Funny: How To Identify Nollywood Movies

Hi everyone, I’m here today to educate or gist us on methods and ways to identify Nollywood (Nigerian) movies. While a great majority of Nigerian especially the ladies are ‘mad over Nollywood’, guys have decided to abandon their country things and focus on Hollywood and British-made movies—I’m guilty of that.

But thanks to my sister—Nigerian to the core—I have been able to mark out characteristic features of our dear (un-dear) Nollywood movies (I prefer calling them films).

CHARACTERISTICS OF NOLLYWOOD MOVIES

Here’s a deal: you all get to call what I’ll list ‘characteristics’ while I call them syndromes. I guess that is as simple as it goes.

So remember: CHARACTERISTICS=SYNDROME

Below are a list of syndromes (remember our deal) that will keep you glued to this page for eternity. Just joking, it won’t keep you for eternity but will succeed in keeping for the next twenty or so minutes.

WARNING: Senses of Humour may vary in degrees—some will find this funny while others will spill their guts in uncontrolled laughter. Be warned!!

Let’s get down to business:

  • THE ‘MAMA G’ SYNDROME

I’m referring to Nigerians and Africans here, we all know who Mama G aka Patience Ozokwor is. Good. Now if you are watching a core-Nigerian-movie you should know that she is either/and/or the wicked aunt, wicked mother, wicked sister, devious neighbour.

If you watch a Nollywood movie without Mama G being a malevolent character please check the origin of that movie—it is not Nollywood or maybe it is Nollywood from Zimbabwe—and throw it away.

 

  • THE ADVERTISEMENT SYNDROME

Another important feature is the funny and annoying way movies are advertised in Nollywood movies. When the movie starts they will be like”

“…..#gunsounds# E don come again oo….Nkoli Nwa Nsukka is now in the city and wants to cook with firewood!…”

Then the advertisement will continue for twenty minutes—which is one-fourth the full length of the movie.

For those that haven’t watched a Nigerian movie before don’t be eager to. You have been spared the agony of waiting for minutes especially when the remote is lost or you are watching on cable television.

 

  • THE SPIRIT/GHOST SYNDROME

Continuing on the characteristics of our dear Nollywood it is only in Nollywood movies (with a few exceptions) where ghosts exist on the same physical plane as humans.

Somebody will die and his ghost will still be interacting with human beings and they won’t attempt to touch him or her. Ghosts will just be moving like babies, they will look before crossing roads, they will pray before eating amala or pounded yam.

If you watch a Nigerian movie where a ghost behaved like an actual ghost without all the extra visual effects they put when one is disappearing or appearing check the origin. It is not Nollywood or it is China made Nollywood.

PS: People in Nollywood develop superpowers upon death when they resurrect as ghosts.

 

  • THE SHOOTING SYNDROME

One extra thing that makes me angry with Nigerian movies the way gun battles go. Warning: you won’t understand this if you haven’t witnessed a Nollywood gun battle.

So watch this clip below:

 

I don’t think I need to say any other thing, this video says it all.

Stay on Toolbazed for more.

Do you want to know more on Igbo tradition? see Our Igbos’ Blog

Miracle Chinonso

I'm a Medical student from Nigeria. You'd be wondering what a medical student is doing on a blog like this? Well, read on and find out. You can contact me through the comments section of each post. *Wink*

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